Adventist Dad

People apply various means to determining self-worth. Some establish their self-worth using arbitrary methods, such as what they own, whether or not people like them, or how they look. For some, self-worth is determined on a purely emotional basis: If they feel worthless, then they must be worth less; if they feel valued, then the must be worth more. These methods aren’t very scientific, but there is a more scientific method. I found a Human Life Value (HLV) calculator. This is something life insurance companies use to sell their product. I tried it out, and learned I had an approximate value of  $1,321,155. To be honest, I was surprised and a little disappointed. I figured I’d be worth more.

Some have argued that the whole concept of self-worth is flawed, useless, even destructive. Albert Ellis, Ph.D., a renowned psychologist, has argued that unconditional self-acceptance is a better approach than trying to estimate one’s worth (Feeling Better, Getting Better, Staying Better. Impact Publishers, 2001). I suppose this is like the unconditional love that Christians often espouse.

As a parent, at least half the responsibility for teaching my children about self-worth falls on me (in case you’re wondering, the other half falls on their mother). It’s inevitable that some children get to the point where they question their worth. At least one of my children has been known to question their worth after doing something that disappointed mom and dad. Children also will question their value when mistreated by other children, or when criticized by a parent or teacher. Is the best response to simply tell them they ought to love themselves unconditionally? Or to make it more Christian,do we tell them. “God loves you unconditionally, so cheer up”?

Having been in the housing market for a couple of years now, having sold a house and now shopping for some country property, I’ve noticed that the worth of real estate is sometimes determined just as arbitrarily as some people determine their self-worth. When it comes down to it, though, the value is ultimately determined by what the a buyer will pay. In this is a lesson for both me, and my children.

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body,” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ESV.

This statement from the Apostle Paul says it succinctly, and establishes not only the basis for our worth, but calls us to respond by honoring God. The arbitrary methods of establishing self-worth are more limited in their impact, leaving people to find new ways to prop up their self-esteem. To the contrary, the more one dwells on the extent to which God went to establish our worth–giving His life on our behalf–the more we want to do something in return. There is no longer a need to prop up our self-esteem.  The appeal to only recognize or apply God’s (or a self-produced) unconditional love seems trite, lending itself to complacency–I’m loved no matter what. The latter propels us to a higher goal–God gave His life for me, I want to do something for Him in return.

What does He ask? That we give glory to Him (John 15:8; Galatians 5:22-23).